08 Nov Death Of A Loved One: Explaining Loss To A Young Child

Understanding the death of a loved one is difficult enough for most adults. Having to explain this to a young child can be even more difficult. There are many situations throughout their lifetime when they will feel grief but by taking the time now to help them to understand death they will do better in dealing with it. Grandparents, parents, siblings, friends and even pets can be hard deaths for a young child to deal with. As a parent, take an active role in educating your child about death.

Being Honest Matters Most

There is no point in lying or misleading a child about death. Children understand the signs and see the differences within their lives to notice the loss of someone. Even if they cannot comprehend death, they do feel loss. Depending on the age of your child, explain what death is, what happens and what your beliefs are. Children as young as two or three years old are able to rationalize that someone has left them, though they may not understand where the person went or why they had to leave.

One of the biggest points to make when talking about the death of a loved one to your child is that the loss was not their fault. Even preschool aged children will believe that if someone left them (in any form) that they may have done something to cause that loss. Be sure to reassure your child that the death of their loved one is not something that they could control or you could and that it is a natural part of life.

Older children, perhaps even kindergarteners are able to comprehend death to some degree. In these children, you can talk to the child about why the person died. For example, if their grandparent passed away from a heart attack, explaining to them that their grandparent’s heart stopped working right can be enough reassurance to them and understanding for them to accept the loss. When explaining illness or accidents, it is often wise to include information about how this won’t happen to them. They may feel that if grandpa’s heart stopped working that maybe their heart will stop working, too.

Religious Beliefs

Depending on your religious beliefs, most parents can relate to these passages or information when speaking of death. For example, in the Christian belief system, it is a belief that when a person dies they are able to go to Heaven to be with God and others from the family. In this situation, you can explain to your child that their loved one has been able to go to Heaven and is know happy and whole. Often, this will reassure them that death is not a bad thing, but something that happens as a natural course in life. Share with them your religious beliefs from an early age.

Allow Them To Ask Questions

Perhaps the most important element for parents to allow when helping their child to deal with the death of a loved one is to allow questions. Give them time to process the situation. For example, if they have lost a parent, children need time to realize what death means. A few days or weeks down the road, they may have questions about what happened and why it happened. Don’t hound them about questions, but encourage them to ask. They may ask simple things like if their parent will come back or if their parent is hurting.

Whenever questions do come up, make time for just you and your child. Sit with them and talk with them. Listen to them more than you talk to them. Allow them to express their thoughts and feelings, including allowing them to cry. Part of the grief process is going through stages of emotional turmoil like sadness and even anger. Children express this in small ways, often, but they do express it. If they are struggling and there are signs that they are not dealing well with the death of a loved one, seek out professional counseling services.

Dealing with death is important. Don’t ignore it or stop talking about their loved one. Rather, talk about it and allow your child to come to grips with their loss and their love for this person they too have lost.